The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
