Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
