Having a random hookup so left but love u
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize