the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
