i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
