So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sorry about my life...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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