I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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