You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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