Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
