my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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