If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
