look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
