just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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