I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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