About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
