Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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