We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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