I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
