So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
