good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
