I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
