DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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