I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
