I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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