Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
