no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
