dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
