its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
