Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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