A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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