I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
