It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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