a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize