ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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