For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
