Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
