my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize