just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
