Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
