You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
