You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
