Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
