it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
