i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
