went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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