wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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