Your face is a jimmy john
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
