the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
