I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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