um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think my moral compass just broke
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
