he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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