we have officially lost it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize