just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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