I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
