She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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