Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
