he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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