Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
