wat bout pragnant strippers??
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
