It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
