I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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