How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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