I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
