Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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