I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
