I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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