my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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