There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
