I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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