ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
