i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
