Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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