"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
