My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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