I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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