Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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